DNF: “Assassin’s Apprentice” by Robin Hobb (Voyager)

A genre classic. A very disappointed first-time reader.

Young Fitz is the bastard son of the noble Prince Chivalry, raised in the shadow of the royal court by his father’s gruff stableman. He is treated like an outcast by all the royalty except the devious King Shrewd, who has him secretly tutored in the arts of the assassin. For in Fitz’s blood runs the magic Skill – and the darker knowledge of a child raised with the stable hounds and rejected by his family. As barbarous raiders ravage the coasts, Fitz is growing to manhood. Soon he will face his first dangerous, soul-shattering mission. And though some regard him as a threat to the throne, he may just be the key to the survival of the kingdom.

I bought Assassin’s Apprentice for my Kindle quite a while ago. But, whenever I’ve thought about reading the first book in Hobb’s Farseer trilogy, I have been distracted by some newer, shinier book. After reading the first chapter at work last year (I was allowed! It was for work!), I finally got on with it, and started reading it properly. What I found left me cold and unimpressed. In the end, after a particularly bad chapter, I had to quit. In the end, I only managed to read the first 20% of the novel.

“King Of Thorns” by Mark Lawrence (Ace Books / Voyager) - The MLA* Review

The sequel to one of 2011’s most-talked-about fantasy novels

I thoroughly enjoyed Prince of Thorns, and I would certainly hold it up as one of the best debut novels I’ve read in the last five years – not only was the story gripping, but Lawrence’s prose were some of the best I’ve read (this is a huge factor for me, when deciding on how much I love a book). So, I’ve been impatiently awaiting its sequel. Which I have now read! As a preview for the full, proper review, I thought I’d offer a brief MLA review, first. Because they’re fun. And slightly silly.

* MLA = “Mark Lawrence Approach” – Mark suggested something unorthodox for my review of John Scalzi’s Redshirts, and because the resultant review was quite popular, and because many of you asked for more reviews like it, here we go with King of Thorns…

“Redshirts” by John Scalzi (Tor/Gollancz) - the Mark Lawrence Method

Ok, this is one of two “reviews” I’m going to post for John Scalzi’s latest novel, Redshirts. This one came about because I sent Scalzi a tweet telling him that I was irked about how difficult it was going to be to review the book. [Spoilers could so easily abound!] Mark Lawrence caught the tweet, and suggested that I

“perhaps use a series of animal pictures wherein the expressions of kittens, elephants, etc., convey your thoughts?”

To which I, naturally, replied: “Done.”

So, here it is. As a dog lover, but also someone familiar with internet memes, I have provided (where possible) a parallel dog and cat (or, “kitteh”) review of various emotions I went through while reading Redshirts. This is far from exhaustive, of course.

[This is a one-time thing. Probably.]